Life's Whispers
As the prophet Kylie Jenner said, this has been the year of just realizing stuff.
This has been a year of me realizing stuff – some good, some bad, but a lot that’s been really challenging. A part of the process of realizing stuff is having the chutzpah to ask yourself seriously what stuff in your life (behaviors, ideas, people, habits) is working and what is not and then waiting until to hear the answer. Sometimes that answer is scary and hard and it’s asking more of me than I’m willing to commit to and sometimes I’m just lazy and would rather not take action at all. Not all of these answers are dramatic or big, but they’re, as Oprah puts it, “life’s whispers” that are always there, speaking to us, trying to get our attention to nudge us towards a course of action.
A little over a month ago I felt one of those life whispers tell me that I needed to reexamine my relationship with alcohol, and instead of pushing it down and pretending like I didn’t hear it, I decided to listen and put myself on a break from drinking. I’m sure that for many of you that’s an easy task, but if I’m being honest with myself and with you, it isn’t that simple for me. So much of the culture of New York and the life that I’ve built for myself here is based on socializing around alcohol. Brunch, nights out, cocktails outside with friends. It’s not problematic, it’s just what we all do.
There wasn’t a catastrophic event that precipitated this idea, just a little tiny whisper that popped into my head one Friday afternoon saying, “you should take a break from drinking again” and the next morning I mentioned it to my best friend and she said, “if any part of you feels like you should do this, then you should do it.” So I first listened to myself and then to her and now here we are.
I take at least a month off from drinking alcohol every year, most recently earlier this Spring. I pick a month, I make a big deal out of it, I keep track of how many days are left until I hit one month. I act like it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done and when it’s over I’m so relieved that I celebrate with a glass of wine and say, “See. All good Libby. Nothing to worry about.” And then I can shut down the whisper for the next 11 months any time it tries to ask me to reexamine if this habit is serving me the way that it once was.
But something is different about this time. Instead of taking this time off out of spite or rage or some weird form of mental punishment, I’m just asking myself, “what do you need right now? How can you honor yourself today through your daily actions?” I’m learning to care for myself where I am right now. I’m giving myself the space to reexamine what alcohol means to me at this time in my life. Is it still serving me? Does it help facilitate connection and joy? Is it stopping me from accomplishing something bigger? Does it still have a place in my life at all? I don’t know the answers yet, by the way, but I’m giving myself the space to try to find out. Maybe this is what it means when you’re in alignment with your soul’s highest self, I don’t know, but listening to that little whisper, saying yes, and then taking immediate action has made room for me to tune in and hear what else my body is telling me that it needs from me right now. It’s opened my mind to new creative ideas, it’s pushed me to have confronting conversations that I otherwise wouldn’t have, it’s taught me to get back into a consistent morning routine, among so many other things that I haven’t experienced in a really long time.
This is not a message about sobriety, it’s just a reminder that it’s okay to question old habits and see if you still enjoy them. It’s even better if you can do it from a place of loving self-care. It’s okay to remove something (or someone) that doesn’t feel like it fits anymore to see what your life looks like without it. Your answer might be that it fits in just fine or maybe it fits in but with a few new tweaks. I’m probably not going to give up drinking forever, I’m just on a little self imposed break. I might have a glass of wine in a week and feel great about it or maybe I won’t and I’ll stay the current course. Both are fine.
I guess I’m just saying that those little ways that life whispers to you matter. I know that we all know what they sound like. Sometimes they’re quiet and we question if they’re real or not and sometimes they’re loud and screaming until we can’t ignore them anymore. Maybe they’re small things like getting the urge to text a friend or maybe they’re big things like your soul telling you that it’s time to move on from a relationship or a job that no longer serves you. You’re probably reading this and thinking of the whisper you keep hearing that you aren’t sure if you’re ready to take action on or not. But I really think that if we do, if we get out of our own way, if we say yes and make a change, then it makes way for something bigger and even better to happen for us.
We’re all just works in progress. Keep realizing things. I think it all matters in the end.
Talk soon,
Libby